Releasing Resentment
Why Holding Onto Resentment Feels Protective (But Ends Up Holding You Back)
Resentment can feel like armour—something that keeps you safe from being hurt again. When someone has wronged you, holding onto that anger can seem like a way to stay in control, to protect yourself from future pain, or to make sure the past isn’t forgotten. But over time, that resentment doesn’t just shield you—it keeps you stuck.
Why Resentment Feels Protective
From a nervous system perspective, resentment isn’t just an emotion—it’s a response to feeling hurt, betrayed, or powerless. It often stems from:
Unresolved pain – When something feels unfair or painful, resentment can act as a placeholder for deeper emotions like sadness, grief, or disappointment.
A sense of control – If you let go of resentment, it might feel like you’re letting the other person off the hook. Keeping hold of it can feel like a form of justice.
Protection from future harm – Your nervous system is wired to keep you safe. Holding onto resentment can feel like a way to guard yourself against similar experiences happening again.
But the very thing that feels protective can also become a weight you carry.
How Resentment Affects the Body and Mind
When resentment lingers, it doesn’t just live in your thoughts—it embeds itself in your body. It might show up as:
Chronic tension, especially in the jaw, neck, and shoulders
A feeling of heaviness or exhaustion
A constant undercurrent of frustration or irritability
Difficulty trusting others or letting people in
Replaying past events, keeping the nervous system in a heightened state
Unprocessed resentment can keep the nervous system in a stress response, making it harder to feel calm, open, or present in the moment.
How to Move Through Resentment
Resentment can feel like a heavy, stuck energy. Moving through it isn’t about forcing yourself to forgive—it’s about allowing the emotions underneath to shift, so you’re no longer carrying them in the same way.
Here are a few ways to start:
1. Acknowledge the Weight of It
Rather than trying to push resentment away, notice where it sits in your body. Does it feel like tension in your chest? A knot in your stomach? Simply recognising it can create space for movement.
2. Give the Feelings Somewhere to Go
Resentment often carries unspoken anger, sadness, or frustration. Instead of holding it all inside, try:
Journaling: Write down exactly what you feel, unfiltered. Let yourself express everything without needing to rationalise it.
Movement: Shake out your arms, stomp your feet, or go for a brisk walk—anything that allows the body to shift.
Breathwork or vocal release: A deep exhale, a sigh, or even a low hum can help release stored tension.
3. Separate Protection from Holding On
Ask yourself: Is holding onto this actually keeping me safe, or is it just keeping me stuck? True protection isn’t carrying resentment—it’s knowing you can trust yourself to set boundaries, honour your needs, and move forward in a way that feels right for you.
4. Shift Focus to Self-Connection
Resentment keeps attention on what someone else did or didn’t do. Instead, turn inward:
What do you need in this moment?
How can you offer yourself the care and validation you were seeking?
What would it feel like to put that energy back into yourself, rather than into the past?
Letting Go Doesn’t Mean Forgetting—It Means Freeing Yourself
Resentment might feel like a shield, but real freedom comes from releasing what no longer serves you. It’s not about dismissing what happened or rushing into forgiveness—it’s about lightening the weight on your own nervous system so you can move forward with more ease.
What has helped you process resentment in the past?